Funeral Rain Press Corps

Genres: Punk, Speed Metal, Thrash
Label: Suffering Jesus Productions

Pistöns bring an album of ten hard hitting, ass kicking, and beer swilling rock songs in the vein of Motörhead and oldschool punk, with some metal riffs thrown in.
A trio if Italians who love to rock out with songs about rocking out, how cool their friends are, and how they are number one, Pistöns is a fucking great listen, and it’s goddamn hard to drive around without cranking the shit out of my car stereo and driving around with my windows down.
Oh, and the speed limit is impossible to obey with this going. They get a 7.5 out of 10.
So if you want to listen to some hard rock that will make you headbang, check out Pistöns. No commercialism, this is a kick to head of rock music.

Pistöns on MySpace.

NOTE: This is an old review, moved here from the Funeral Rain Zine MySpace.

Genres: Black Metal, Progressive Black Metal
Label: Suffering Jesus Productions

Possibly one of the most messed up, schizophrenic releases I’ve ever heard, Tjolgtjar’s Ikarkitomidon: Lord of the Forest can only be described as blackened blues, as far as I can tell.
To look at the album, the art tells you that black metal is what you’re going to hear. Forest shot for the cover, a nice sunset over a snowy field on the back tray card. Look inside, there’s an orgy around a fire on the skill of a horned nature deity (wickedtastic art by Zernon, by the way). It’s all super black metal looking. Then you put the CD in.
The first song, “Fjor Tjell Kjindjam olf Hjoary” is super fucking awesome black metal! Then the blues solos, and even slightly country(!) riffs start kicking in as instrumentals, and even as sections of songs. After about the halfway mark of the disc you start wondering about your own sanity, let alone Rev. J.R. Preston’s.
Production wise, this album is unique to say the least. I’ve never heard tones like this on any BM release before, and I doubt I will again, unless I get to hear some new Tjolgtjar. This is literally a once in a lifetime thing, because no other black metal band is doing this. Each note is crystal clear too, smooth, and all intelligable. It’s almost like Beherit, Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath era Black Sabbath, and Iron Maiden tried writing an album together.
Then we get to track 13. The bluesy stuff continues here, as it’s a song called “Free Flight”, a cover of TED NUGENT! And one song later, the album is (sadly) over. And you have to listen to it again and again to make sure that you weren’t hallucinating, and the stuff you heard is actually the stuff you heard.
Which it was, I assure you; I’ve listened to this album like five times before I could write this, which probably doesn’t make sense at all. You’re the one who is insane, however, if you don’t get this album.
It’s sitting pretty at a 8 out of 10. Standouts are “They Fall by Gunfire”, “Ode to Dixie”, and “Snakebite Cowgirl”. Fans of anything at all can probably find something they like here. It’s best if you have an open mind though.

Tjolgtjar on Facebook.
Tjolgtjar on MySpace.

NOTE: This is an old review, moved here from the Funeral Rain Zine MySpace.

Genres: Black Metal, Thrash
Label: Suffering Jesus Productions, Ukragh Productions, Blood Harvest Records

Eliminator bring forth a fresh CD, released only in 2008, but it sounds like it could have come out twenty years ago. A nice blend of thrash and black metal assaulted my ears straight from the start, sounding a little like Venom. I could hear beer calling to me from the liqor store, yelling “BUY US AND ROCK OUT!” from the opening riffs of “World Obliteration” until the closing of “Prescription for Extinction… Time Enough At Last”.
It’s fast as fuck (300bpm downpicker playing guitar) and loud as hell, and features a vocalist/bassist/guitarist by the name of Warchild, a guitarist named Scythe, and Samus, the drummer for Abigail Williams. I can see these New Joyzee boys eliminating the current American black/thrash competition, and reigning supreme for a long time.
Basically, this review is easy. Into old thrash and black metal? Then get Eliminator. You’ll have to have it shipped from the Ukraine, for ten USD plus shipping, and I believe Blood Harvest in Sweden still has the vinyl available. 7.5 out of 10.

Eliminator on MySpace.

Genres: Black Metal, Punk
Label: Suffering Jesus Productions

Feeling more like a parody of black metal rather than an incarnation of it, Aanal Beheemoth play a blackened version of punk that’s bound to get the blood moving, if not flowing. This Finnish two piece outfit offer up The Forest Paranoid which is crammed full of nekro noise nuances, a shit ton of heavily fucking distorted vocals and guitars and enough shit, piss and menstrual blood references to satisfy the craziest of Mentors fans! While the vocals are pretty unintelligible, the catchy riffs seem to make up for it. Seriously, listen to “From Aanal with Love” and see if you won’t be humming the melody for the rest of the day! The Forest Paranoid is a thoroughly enjoyable album and is recommended for everyone who’s a fan of everyone from Burzum to Black Sabbath to The Casualties. There’s something in here for just about everyone.

8.5/10

Aanal Beehemoth On MySpace

Originally posted at E-MetalSpace

Genres: Technical Death Metal
Label: Suffering Jesus Productions, Metalbolic Records

Mid-paced tech death from Houston, Cosmic Atrophy’s Codex Incubo does not seem to bring too many fresh ideas to the genre.
Like many others that do tech death, a hardon for sci-fi themes is apparent; not just in the album artwork, but in the songs themselves. Images of Origin’s Antithesis album were going through my head while listening to Codex Incubo, and as such I think a casual listener to this genre would feel the same.
Hardcore fans of tech death would probably like this album, but since I’m not a hardcore fan, I’m giving it a 6.5 out of 10. It’s a pair of disgustingly talented dudes doing a bit too much of the same thing that others are doing. Concidering Codex is their first outing, however, I can’t wait to hear the next one. I’m pretty sure that it’ll be at least a full score more.

Cosmic Atrophy on MySpace.