Funeral Rain Press Corps

2/22/12 – The Branx – Portland, Oregon

Anther night, another show at The Branx. After a close call at roll call after the attendee almost didn’t find my name on the press list, I made my way to the floor…

Burning Leather - I made it in just in time to catch this local act’s set. Truth be told, I didn’t know these guys were local and would of guessed that they were from the U.K. based on their down ‘n’ dirty Killers-era heavy punkin’ metal! Unfortunately, their set was criminally short and the only song of theirs that I can remember was set closer Annihilate Us. But you know what? That song ruled and the crowd seemed to agree with me that Burning Leather should feel free to Annihilate Us any time!

Havok –  This was my second time seeing these guys and the other time was at the Branx as well. Fortunately, this time David Sanchez’s voice wasn’t on the fritz, so he was able to sing every song this time around. Just like last time, necks were WRECKED! The thrashin’ that these guys are dispensing is genuine through and through and nowhere is this more apparent than on stage. Havok loves what they do and the audience loves them for it. Case in point: “COVERING FIRE!!!” the cheer for that announcement was probable the loudest I heard all night (though, I personally cheered louder for Afterburner). Bodies were flying off of the stage and into several circle pits that sprang up with the wave of Sanchez’s finger. In short: they came, they saw, Havok conquered.

Toxic Holocaust - I don’t think that there is a band who’s live set inspires a bigger, “Meh.” feeling in me than Toxic Holocaust. Don’t get me wrong though, I sit love Toxic Holocaust on their albums and whatnot, but their live shows are just so humdrum. There is hardly ever any crown interaction, Joel’s voice is almost always tired or lazy sounding and they almost always play the same songs. I made it through about half of their set before *Yawn* fuck it, what’s going on outside…

The Casualties - Gotta be honest, I didn’t give two shits that these guys were on the bill. I was only mildly entertained by them the last time I saw them, so I skipped their set and ended up getting wasted with the Corey Boyd and Gabe Franco of Spellcaster. After a few (too many) belts of vodka, we found our way to a McDonalds were we came across a begger. The dude was standing in mid-thirties weather, asking for money for a McFuckingFlurry. So, of course, Gabe helped a brother out. The guy immediately ran inside and bought a McFlurry, stunning us all… except Gabe. (Love that Franco.) When it was our turn to order, Corey proceeded to inquire about the Cock-Meat Sandwich. “How much for the Cock-Meat Sandwich?” he asked the barely English speaking attendant. (Love that Boyd.) I’m pretty sure that I made the right decision.

English Dogs - Ho-Lee-Sheeeeet am I glad I made it back in time for these rowdy motherfuckers! English Dogs delivered the goods on a seismic scale with their pissed off ‘tudes and “fuck it or kill it” mentality. Vocalist Wakey seemed the sort on sight to be a bit of a loutish oaf… I was oh so wrong! Screaming like a madman possessed by a long since dead madman, Wakey ran and jumped around the stage and even into the crowd on occasion! Guitarist Nick Wynch, engaged the audience with his intense axe slinging and even asked if we’d all be in a picture for him. Yeah, watching the crowd crunch together like that was pretty fun. Even as drunk as I was, I knew that it wasn’t going to end well… but aside from the couple of moonings and a fat girl titty flash, things didn’t go so bad. Suffice it to say, the audience ate up every ounce of what these English Dogs left behind…

Burning Leather On Facebook
Havok On Facebook
Toxic Holocaust On Facebook
The Casualties On Facebook
English Dogs On Facebook 

9/13/11 – Peter’s Room at The Roseland Theater in Portland, Oregon

An Apology From Typhon… Kinda: I know. I know, I’m about three weeks late with this one. But if you had a screaming baby boy on one shoulder and averaging about three hours of sleep a morning, I think you’d shuffle around your priorities too.

On that note: I have the best fucking mate EVER!!! She squeezed out our son on September 12th and demanded that I attend this concert while she was still in the hospital. You see, she and I have been unable to attend every show that Alestorm played in the U.S. and she would be damned if we’d make it a hat trick. So even though I had a blast at this show, my mind was elsewhere most of the time.

Anyway, I arrived late so I missed the opening act…

The Agonist - Aside from the vocalist making a pass at me at the merch booth after their set, I don’t have anything to report about these guys. My friend assured me that they were awesome though.

Blackgaurd - I’d like to start a petition that would make these guys officially change their name from Blackguard to Children Of Dimmu.  I admired their energy level and their ability to easily sway the crowd who was obviously there for the two headliners. But overall, I was more interested in what was in those bottles behind the bar. They weren’t for me, but they had three quarters of the crowd in the palm of their hand. Kudos to you CoD.

It was around this time that I made my way from the bar to the floor. While wadding through the sea of pirate cosplayers and Kamelot t-shirts, I noticed something that kind of put me on edge: there were an awful lot of full blooded nerds there. You know the ones I’m talking about; acne, greasy hair, socially awkward, haunted by perpetual virginity, etc… I’m not sure whether or not I should of been surprised, really. Pirate Metal: Kinda nerdy. Christopher Bowes: Severally nerdy. Kamelot: Fuck! The gauge broke!

I managed to secure a spot about three rows of nerds back from the stage. Where I waited. And waited… and waited… and just as I needed to piss…

Alestorm - Scotland’s purveyors of plunderous pirate metal took the stage, but no prisoners as they played favorites from all three of their albums. They started off strong with Back Through Time and Shipwrecked, even though you could barely Dani Evans’s playful leads thanks to the primate that was tinkering with the sound board (a problem that continued throughout Alestorm’s set). After a bit, they slowed things down with Nancy The Tavern Wench which was accompanied by Blackguard’s Terry Deschenes on acoustic guitar. Not quite a ballad, but it had a few lighters/cell phones out and waving. There set wasn’t exactly a long one, but it sure make an impact on the newbies in the crowd.

I should add there there was a shit-ton of mosh pits,stage diving and crowd surfing during Alestorm’s set… um, yeah. Because when it comes to something that you should save for a D.R.I. concert, Wenches And Mead is the time to do it.

But, I digress since the point of any concert it to just have fun. Alestrom saw to that 100%.

Kamelot - I have got to be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from Kamelot since just about anyone who like Kamelot even the slightest, more than likely likes them for Roy Khan perfect pipes. But, since Roy departed the band right before this tour, a lot of us seemed to be skeptical about this no name guy taking over vocal duties.

Thanks to those of you who stuck it out through the sarcasm. Fabio Lione (of Rhapsody) grabbed the mic and nailed every note that Roy had laid down before him. I was relieved. I was also overjoyed since they managed to sneak every single one of my favorite Kamelot tracks into their set! When The Lights Are Down, The Haunting, March Of Mephisto, Nights Of Arabia, Forever, etc… And yes, Simone Simons was there to lend her haunting voice to ratchet up the Epic(a)ness! My night couldn’t of ended better!

The Wonder Ballroom – Portland, Oregon – 4/19/2011

If you’re anything like me, you went, “What’s The Wonder Ballroom”? There’s little to no info online about it and the staff was less the knowledgeable (or helpful for that matter) about it as well. But as far as I can tell, The Wonder Ballroom wasn’t prepared for this crowd. Case in point: Opening the doors at 7 p.m. and then for some unknown reason, pushing the start date to 8:30. Fuck you! There was no reason for that. Everything was set up and the sound check was already complete. All you did by doing that was stirring up a bunch of rowdy teenagers and frat boys… yeah, I was in good company by the way.

And what’s this? Two bars? Really? There was plenty of space upstairs! Thanks for barricading a quarter of the floor off. It really makes you feel safe knowing that a sneeze can knock down the barrier that’s supposed to keep you from being smushed between the two crowds. Dumbasses.

And speaking of dumbasses, there was an old crackhead looking roadie (there’s always one) that was hitting on some bleach blonde bimbonic bitches that doubled as obvious jailbait that were trying to get back stage… is this an Amon Amarth show or a Ratt concert? Argh. But enough of my bitching, let’s get to the show!

Amon Amarth - If you loved Surtur Rising, then you’ll want to catch this tour. They play it in it’s entirety. And while I can see the appeal for most Amon Amarth fans (and critics after reading the numerous glowing reviews for Surtur Rising), I don’t much care for hearing whole albums outside of my living room. I just doesn’t sit well with me. But I was merely one person in a sea of hundreds of rabid Amon Amarth fans that were eating all this up! It was one part awe inspiring, one part pathetic the way Johan Hegg was able to get the crowd to scream as loud as possible by raising his hand above his head, then silence them all by lowering it… again and again. I’m sure his smile was visible from the up stairs bar.

After finishing up Surtur Rising, the Swedes took a twenty minute break. During this break, some house music blared overhead though one of the worst sound systems I’ve ever heard. I should probably point out that this did indeed but a damper on the overall enjoyment factor of the show since Olavi Mikkonen and Johan Soderberg’s guitars were as muddled as Ted Lundstrom’s bass is in the albums. So what you basically heard was Hegg barking out lyrics with clear as day drums going on around a storm of chaotic discordance of guitar and bass. But since everybody knew the material so well, it didn’t really seem to matter.

Anyway, back to the house music: Pantera, The Haunted, Slayer, At The Gates. Sounds like a metal karaoke-fest, right? Nope. Nobody sang along like they at the Von Doom show a month back… until Black Sabbath’s War Pigs started. It started off small with a group of guys singing in the middle of the floor. But it grew and grew until finally the crowd’s “Oh, Lord Yeah!” overpowered the PA! Black Sabbath. Uniters.

After that bit of metal brotherhood, Amon Amarth returned to the stage. This is what I was waiting for. They played a bottomless mixed bag of old favorites, starting off with a few from Twilight Of The Thunder God, then moving all the way back to Once Sent From The Golden Hall. Before playing Asator, Hegg took a minute to poke some fun at the upcoming Thor movie. “They don’t even call him by his real name!” Hilarious.

After about a half an hour of songs that I only have lukewarm feeling for, they finally played all of my favorites… in a long medley. Damn it! Really? The only thing that marathon of Norse mythology showed me was how similar most of Amon Amarth’s songs are. It was kind of a downer to end the night on. But on the plus side, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bigger band play with as much appreciation for their fans and have as much fun while doing it than Amon Amarth. That put a smile on my face the whole ride home.

Amon Amarth Official

Amon Amarth On MySpace

Where: The Branx (320 SE 2nd Ave Portland, Oregon)

When: Friday, May 20 2011 and Saturday, May 21 2011

How Much: $15 per day – All ages, bar w/ID

Who: Day 1:

Inquisition
Mysticism Black
Panzergod
Tormentium
Cemetery Lust
Grim Ritual
Infernus
Phlegethon
Sacrament Ov Impurity

Day 2:

Nunslaughter
Ceremonial Castings
The Red King
Blood Of Martyrs
Oakenheart
Nihilotep
Thrallscurse
Drakul
Adduara

Northwest Black Circle Festival III Facebook

When: 07/09/2010

Where: Peter’s Room at The Roseland Theater, Portland, Oregon, USA

This concert kind of snuck up on me yesterday. I had no idea I was going until about six hours before it started! Lucky me, huh?

An un-incidental ride to The Roseland and and interesting convorsation with an obvious crackhead latter, I was in line and waiting to get my Press Pass. While waiting a met a guy who just moved here from New York and who won both his tickets from KUFO. Nice guy. He eventually gave his spare ticket to another guy who just moved here from France (another ultra cool guy). If the Karmatic alignment of this line was any indicator, then I was in for one hell of a night!

Slowly but surely, we filed in, were frisked, acquired our tickets and… made our ways to the bar. Which is were I hit up the first bouncer I saw for intel on the venue. The security personnel at The Roseland were helpful and were willing to answer every little question I had. A nice change of pace from the small dicked, d-bags that normally run security at these things.

And then, the lights when down and the first band took the stage!

Baptized In Blood - As far as As I Lay Dying/Trivium-ish inspired bands go, this Canadian quartet kick a more than fair amount of ass! Hooks and crazy ass beats shook The Roseland and caused that all too familiar rumble in the empty guts of all who were in Pete’s Room. The vocalist was a funny motherfucker and had a powerful grip on the audience, getting us to jump and pit up at a moment’s notice. Not back for an opening act, eh?

Divine Heresy - Now that the blood was pumping radically, it was time for a little game of “Holy Shit, That Little Dude Can Tear Up A Kit!” (an actual remark I heard while Tim Yeung teased the audience during sound check.) Divine Heresy rocked heavy grooves from both albums, with Travis Neal having a 45% success rate on the clean vocals on tracks from Bleed The Fifth (as expected). Bassist Joe Payne is probably one of the coolest musicians I have ever met/seen perform live! His mastery of the bass and his brutal backing growls make him a valuable asset wherever he plays! …oh, and Dino Cazares was there too.

After The Burial - Killswitch Engage meets Suicide Silence… I guess. The crowd seemed to know who the hell After The Burial was and what they were all about, but man! I just couldn’t get into what they were selling. Lots of bounce ’n’ groove, a basketball jersey on the bassist (Suicidal Tendencies, these guys are not!)  and wiggery hand gestures from the front man (Ok, maybe a little). Oh! New rule! If your vocalist does pig squeals and your band isn’t grind, you’re just plain gay! You’ve really got to be something special to do pig squeals and be lame as hell! And After The Burial is nothing special at all…

36 Crazyfists - Why the hell are these guys placed right before the headliners? They’re so misplaced on this tour! Seriously! I saw these guys twice before and both of those times were because pussy was involved. (I’m not proud of that, F.Y.I.) Emocore, sub-par vocalist, strong fan-girl following for some reason (What‘s up with that? Why are there bands out there that appeal to primarily chicks like this?)… I don’t get it. They didn’t even play the two songs they’re semi-famous for! And the vocalist’s banter was pretty weak as well. “I want to see a circle pit here and here! Make it happen ya’ll!” …ugh. A circle pit to a song about thinking about committing suicide but then seeing the light at the last minute and then dying anyway? No thanks. No thanks…

Fear Factory - Finally! Fear Factory! I waited thirteen years to see these guys live (granted it was a different line-up)! And now that I have… I have to see them again! It was everything I hoped it would be! Burton’s voice was amazing! Dino’s shredding was glorious (on the newer tracks at least)! Bassist Byron Stroud is a mountain of a man that beats all, menacing the crowd with his thunderous bass and scraggly redish hairbread! And what a treat it was to witness Gene “The Man” Hoglan play… at half his talent capacity. (Seriously though, anybody else get the feeling that Gene might just be doing this for a paycheck?) Fear Factory dipped into their new CD for a couple of songs then reached waaay the fuck back to 1992 and unleashed Martyr on, I’m sure, a few unsuspecting concert goers. A couple off of Digimortal. A couple off of Obsolete. A couple off of Demanufacture. And none from Transgression! I was a happy camper!

Overall: Not a bad line-up, but not a good one either. It honestly could of just been Fear Factory and Divine Heresy and it would of sold just as well. On top of that, I didn’t hit a single red light on the way home and I got a free large Slurpee at a nearby 7-11 because the register was busted! Hell of a night!

In Loving Memory Of Ryan Franklin Umbreit. The biggest Fear Factory fan I ever knew.

Baptized In Blood On MySpace
Divine Heresy On MySpace
After The Burial On MySpace
36 Crazyfists On MySpace
Fear Facotry On MySpace