Füneral Rain Press Cörps

Genres: Action, Monster Movie, Sci-Fi
Studio: The Global Asylum, Echo Bridge Home Entertainment

Oh Jesus Christ. I bought this DVD at Wal-Mart for $5. So already I knew the quality. The fact that it’s an epic battle between a… well… mega shark and a giant octopus… let’s just say I knew it was going to be crap, but probably a fun watch anyway.
Boy was I mostly wrong.
First up, if you’re going to use CGI to do a fair amount of the action for you (shark coming towards naval ship for example), don’t use the SAME DAMN SHOT three or more times. Or when your shark and octopus are fighting.
There were other instances as well. Stock footage is weak. It’s even weaker when used multiple times.
Second, if you’re going to write a movie and fill it with nobodies, at least make sure they can act. These people cannot. And, along with this, make sure the plot is believable. For the most part, this movie is not bad in that regard, but the ‘love story’ is complete shit. People don’t know each other for a day or so and then fall madly in love to have sex on a navy ship. Just doesn’t happen.
Finally, continuity errors are crappy, especially when they are brutally blatant. If you remove those, chances are you’re on your way to a brighter future as a filmmaker.
And include some kind of special features on the DVD! A “Making Of…” or “An Interview With…” or even a drunken commentary track.
Unfortunately for me, however, there is also a sequel. Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, which naturally I now have to hunt down and buy, simply because it stars Jaleel “Steve Urkel” White and Robert “The Doctor” Picardo, and looks to be a better movie in general.
Check the trailers for both flicks below.
4 out of 10.

Genres: Death Metal, Slam
Labels: Siege of Amida/Candlelight

Hmmm… how do I begin this review?
First up, I’m not into this. At all. It’s kind of like watching Baptized in Blood again; all the same stuff all the time. But, there are some redeeming qualities that WtC has over BiB.
Such as their drummer. He’s pretty fucking good. Their guitarists have some good riff-writing skills. Their bassist is competent at following the guitars. Their vocalist, however, I do not like. He’s also competent at following the guitars, which isn’t too bad usually, but when it’s through the whole fucking song? Come on people.
Now if only each song didn’t sound exactly the same as the other, and they had more than just br00tality going on for them. Such as brutality. Or even songs that weren’t made out of breakdowns with breakdowns between them.
4 out of 10.

Waking the Cadaver on MySpace.

Genre: Black Metal, Noise
Label: Hell’s Headbangers

Havohej’s Kembantinan Premaster is a disc full of a lack of focus, and interest.
It takes black metal and noise, with a somewhat Ministry flavor, and throws it into a blender. The end result is a disc full of songs that just don’t catch my ear or attention for very long.
4 out of 10.

Havohej on MySpace.

Genre: Drone
Label: Black Drone

Another CD-R I never expected in my mail box, CrepusculaR arrived from the label that released it. The disc itself features relatively boring drones that are not all that original.
White noise covers most of what’s going on, with some really low bass under it, and keyboard sounds that sometimes sound like keyboards, not just drones. But for some reason, I don’t feel it. I like drone for the most part, even writing some of my own, and this band I just cannot get into. I don’t know why.
I feel horrible for saying this, but it is how I feel about it. If you’re looking for good drone, don’t go to CrepusculaR’s Deep Slow Majesty. There’s better stuff out there, probably from CrepusculaR themselves. But this disc just isn’t really worth it unless you’re a hardcore drone fan, which I’m not.
4 out of 10.

CrepusculaR on MySpace.