Füneral Rain Press Cörps

Genre: Dark Ambient

Label: Shaytan Productions

Now this… is… fucking awesome! As soon as I received Jilwah (and after I read a brief description of it and separated it from it’s black metal cousins in the stack of CDs that Shaytan Productions had sent me), I popped it into my CD player, turned off the lights and plopped down on the floor. Twenty seven minutes and twenty seven seconds later I got up, hit play again and laid back down on the floor and waited for Dhul Qarnayn to work his magic one more time.

To recap, I was expecting this to be a black metal album. I was hardly disappointed to find out that it was a dark ambient single. Upon further research, I discovered that I was a split and EP too early to hear any of main man Learza’s minimalist black metal offerings. (Shucks!)

Jilwah is just a shade under a half and hour of meditative serenity, intermixed with moments of shocking turbulence that, while only lasting a few seconds at a time, makes quite the impact. They’re like spiritual potholes that test the listeners soul alignment. There are a couple of section where you come across chanting (I believe that it’s in Arabic, but don’t quote me on that) that comes off eerily soothing. They’re the only verbal anything you’ll hear through the entirety of Jilwah.

There are folksy flourishes from time to time as well. They remind me of something that you might hallucinate if you managed to get yourself lost in the desert and were succumbing to heat stroke (sunburn not included). But then, in the nick of time, you stumble upon a lush oasis. You plunge into the glimmering spring before resting in the shade of the single massive palm tree, of which you feast on it fruits that magically fall into your mouth, ready to munch… yeah, I know. I’m doing that thing again where I go off on a tangent that is more of an interpretation of what I heard rather than a review. But you know what? Bite me. Ambient music, rather GREAT ambient music makes you to crazy things to let you know how much you appreciate it!

Overall: Jilwah is immeasurably amazing! It’s everything that I’ve personally ever wanted in an ambient offering: complexity, emotion and provocation of deep meditative thought. Jilwah and Phelios’s Astrial Unity are tied from first on my top ten favorite ambient listening experience!

10/10

Dhul Qarnayn has since called it quits so no links for you!

General Blaspheme’s new video channel gets it’s name proper: Hey Metalhead!
The first episode plays below:

Genre: Technical, Hardcore, Progressive, Melodic Death Metal

Label: Sumerian Records

Ah ha! Now here’s a band that doesn’t seem to polarize people nearly as much as my last two review subjects. In fact, I can’t seem to throw a stone without hitting someone who is completely indifferent about Born Of Osiris. That actually bugs me. Born Of Osiris tends to get lumped in with either the shitty end of metalcore or the even shittier end of deathcore. But honestly, I don’t think that you can categorize them as simply as that. Nobody ever seems to remember the progression or the clear as day hardcore influences. Ugh…

Right from the start, Born Of Osiris brings their A-Game with The Discovery. A more than hearty, “FOLLOW THE SIGNS!!!” greets you at second number one followed by a torrent of intricate keys, chords and ka-drums that coalesce into the best opening to an album that I’ve heard all year. And in case you’re new to the Born Of Osiris game: Good lord, there’s a lot going on in these songs! If the tracks within The Discovery were a posh socialite shindig, the hall would be packed to the rafters with beautiful people, hobnobbing about cutting edge technology while beating the shit out of each other… to the music of Born Of Osiris! They’re complex, intelligent, pretty as shit to the ears and tend to swing fists violently!

Something I’ll point out that makes the most impact here: the keys. Theres a lot of the little synthesized effects that sound like they could of been ripped out of Metroid or some other piece of 8-bit awesome! The keys put subtle accents on the melodies and mix well with the vocals (especially the backing cleans) and they appear in every track, yet they never over stay their welcome. That last one is most impressive since most bands that use synths either over use them or make them the focal point, which is incredibly annoying.

And now, the negs. The vocals are on par with everything you’ve heard from The New Reign and A Higher Place, which is why once again I’m forced to bitch about the whining shout that backs up the more hardcore growl. Seriously, ditch that concept! The main vocals are strong enough to not need secondary ‘core shouting. Next, I wish that there were more clean vocals. They really work well in the background, but I feel like having them higher in the mix or having them appear more often would really help break up some of the vocal monotony… which is complaint number three. In every song, the main vocalist doesn’t change it up at all. I don’t know if he can’t or doesn’t want to, but I’m telling you that if he changed his pitch (lower in most points, to a growl, would be best) I’d be happier.

Overall: The Discovery is aptly titled since this is the album I would suggest to people that haven’t listened to them before. It’s a feels like a natural progression for Born Of Osiris since I thought that A Higher Place was the best thing these guys had put out up until then too! Highly recommended.

9/10

Born Of Osiris On Facebook

I missed your debut at The Clinton House last week, but luckily for me (and the FuneralRain audience) Portland’s own TheMetalNetwork captured the magic on their videomotron, so I was able to catch it second hand. Fucking sweet set guys!

Thanks man! You know we be keepin’ it true.

I heard that those pansies in Spellcaster were at your house show too… how brutal was the beating you gave ’em?

Spellcaster is just another gaggle of Hot Topic posers that we have yet to crush from existence.

Why only 40oz.? I happen to know that any one of you consumes more than 40oz. of malt liquor in his sleep! Also, I seemed to notice a bit of a theme with your songs… do you think it’s possible to get audio alcohol poisoning?

Very possible, in fact when we hit the studio, every track will be recorded using our massive dicks after a good jerk sesh with some high proof liquor.

Do you guys have any plans beyond getting bombed, rocking the house,vomiting on your equipment and giving random chicks e coli through an Alaskan Pipeline? Demo? Contract? Worldwide inebriation? Or is this project one of those wait and see sort of deals?

While yes, being the hottest band since the Bee Gee’s and being fucked up 24/7 in our gold mansions is gloriously better than anyone else’s lives (not to mention the endless wave of supermodel ramming) it comes with a price. After you consume a certain amount of drugs and alcohol, your cognitive ability to make plans really just goes out the window. As is the case with us.

Can you guys out party Cross-Examination? I whole heartedly believe that a co-headlining house party of this caliber needs to happen. You guys could meet halfway in Nevada or something.

Funny you mention that, because we actually have partied with Cross Examination. While yes, they put up a good fight, 300 beers later The 40 O-Z’s reigned victorious. It’s really just a testament to the fact that if you try hard and believe in yourself, you really can do anything!

From what I can tell from the info on your website, you guys are concerned about the lack of protein that young women today are consuming (both orally and topically). Such a noble cause. I salute you!

Ah yes, we’ve spent much of our lives fighting the good fight. Sadly with over three and a half billion malnourished women on this planet, time is not on our side. Many of these girls will never have the privilege of slurping down our trouser pudding. That’s why we invented hair metal so many years ago, it made a real impact.

Is there anything you’d like to add for the Funeral Rain audience?

Yes, in a world of posers and pussys we are the light of hope. We are here to make people realize, by looking at us in all our glory, how much better their lives could really be. So next time your boss pisses you off, don’t take that shit. Slam a 40 of steel reserve and fuck his wife.

Next time your late for class & your teacher yells at you, don’t take that shit. Huff some spray paint, sharpen your pencil and shove it up his butt. Drown in the warm sudsy embrace of the 40 O-Z’s

Together, we are the future.

The 40 o-z’s. On Facebook