(Hed) P.E. – D.I.Y. Guys
Genres: Nu Metal, Rapcore
Label: Suburban Noize Records
Allow me to start off this review with a little history lesson. Back in 2000, I attended the Portland date of the “Tattoo the Earth” tour at Portland Meadows. I came to see Slipknot, but I left knowing so much more. (Namely that Nashville Pussy sucked and Slayer and Sepultura ruled!) I was exposed to a band called (Hed) P.E. I remember the set being kind of short but the songs stuck in my head. My favorite of which being a little ditty called “Waiting to Die”. (I also remember that the vocalist lost his cell phone somewhere out in the Meadows. It was blue and had Pikachu stickers on it. Oh the funny things you remember for no apparent reason. Am I right?) Later on in the year, (Hed) P.E. had a song on the radio called “Bartender” which ended up making them pretty popular for a while. After that however, I thought they fell off the face of the earth. It turns out I was wrong… (Hed) P.E. is back with “D.I.Y. Guys”, a two disk CD/DVD.
Album: I was kind of confused when the album started to play. On the press release, (Hed) P.E. frontman Jared Gomes claims that the band has progressed with their punk/hardcore sound. I was mortified (but not surprised) by the audio-atrocity spewing forth from my speakers! Are these guys for real? Did they really think that trip-hop/rap-rock translated into punk/hardcore? Maybe this is a just a joke track to start the album off with. The guys in (Hed) P.E. do have a warped sense of humor. Maybe the next track will be serious… aaaaand it’s more of the same Nu Metal crap. Live Nu Metal crap. (I guess my tastes have changed a bit in eight years.) The sound is terrible, the bass and vocals are tuned way the fuck up, and the music is just plain horrible. It’s reminiscent of a bootleg Vanilla Ice performance and it left me wondering if the crowd in the background was actually there or if they just left a tape recorder at a decent band’s show and stuck the resulting sounds on their album during post-production. Oh, speaking of the live aspect, Mr. Gomes mentions in the press release, “A lot of bands say their shit is live, but I know for a fact that they go in and patch things. Our band isn’t trying to provide our people with some polished piece of crap.” No Jared, you’d be providing your fans with a raw piece of crap. Then Gomes goes on to say, “Our shows are raw and explosive, and the live stuff is raw and explosive as well.” No shit you fucking dumbass. One would assume that if your shows are explosive (F.Y.I. – They aren‘t) your live shit are explosive, seeing as though they’re the same fucking thing! Fortunately, it’s not 100% terrible. There are three previously unreleased tracks that are only semi-gay. Untitled is the best song on the album but that’s only because of the all too obvious (but unintentional I’m sure) Motorhead influence. Fuck if I know if these guys even know who Motorhead are! They were probably just sitting around play one of the many Tony Hawk Pro Skater games and heard “Ace of Spades” on the soundtrack and decided to copy the melody and tack on asinine lyrics about going on a killing spree and getting head.
DVD: OH MY GOD!! The DVD almost makes up for the terrible album! I mean, the performance on the DVD is still an unpolished turd like the album, the only difference being that now instead of just offending my ears, I have to see the bastards play their horrible music! But the little breaks in-between songs are just golden! It’s mostly Jared and company bragging about how hardcore Suburban Noize is (Note: if your label has (Hed) P.E. and/or the Kottonmouth Kings on it, then it’s the gayest of the gay. Even gayer than the label that has ICP.), how superior they are to other bands and a bunch of staged instances proving the pseudo-facts. Yeah guys, using turntables and tagging the side of the clubs that you perform at makes you an awesome punk/hardcore band. Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you even hear yourselves play? Do you think that making every other word in your songs or when you’re talking to each other “fuck” or ‘nigga” makes you edgy or cool? Do you fucktards know what year it is? It’s 2008! Stop trying to sound like Limp Bizkit and fucking quit the music biz already! You’re fucking terrible and are doomed to stay in the bottom wrung of the shit-hop community for the rest of your career!
Overall: If you skipped the pages long review (and I don’t blame you) then just remember this: Fuck “D.I.Y. Guys”, Fuck (Hed) P.E., Fuck Suburban Noize Records, and fuck the dozens of (Hed) P.E. fans who will spend their hard earned cash on these guys.
2/10
www.myspace.com/hedpe
Originally posted at E-MetalSpace